The Secret to Supporting Your Husband

Today’s husband often faces enormous pressure. He must cope with earning a living in a fluctuating economic climate; he must be a good marriage partner in a world where exactly what that means is hotly debated; he must attempt to help raise his children in an environment possibly much more complex than the one in which he grew up.

Your husband needs prayer! It is possible for him to be a stable husband and father in an unstable world. Proverbs 31 clearly states the impact a godly wife can have on a husband. One excellent way to have such an impact is to pray regularly for your husband; another is to pray with your husband.

What Are Some Things to Pray About?
“Dear God, please bless Jim and be with him at work today” seems vague and dutiful compared with sincere intercession in any or all these areas:

1. Pray for his spiritual growth. If your husband does not share your faith or is experiencing spiritual struggles, you’ll obviously want to be praying for him.

But husbands who appear to have a strong personal relationship with God need prayer for their spiritual life as well. Pray for your husband’s private prayer life to become deeper. If he’s involved at church, pray for his effectiveness in ministry.

Pray that his relationships with Christian men will provide accountability and opportunities for growth in his life. The more you pray, the more you will think of to pray about.

2. Offer meaningful prayer for your husband’s job situation. “Meaningful” is a key word here. The better informed you are, the more effectively and sincerely you can pray.

As much as you need to unload your own day’s headaches, be sure you also listen to his. (This doesn’t mean turning the whole evening into a gripe session, but just tuning in to why he feels the way he does at the end of his workday!) Ask questions about his job (within the bounds of confidentiality for certain professions). Read up on his field and ask him how what you’ve read pertains to him.

It is easy for me to pray knowledgeably for my husband because he is self-employed and I work for him part time. (He is a photographer; I read his appointment book and pray specifically for each job.) It may be harder to stay informed in other situations, but it does help to be interested.

Even if you don’t know details about your husband’s job, you can pray for his success at his projects, his ability to resist temptation, his witness to others and for the development of positive relationships with his supervisors or with those who work for him.

3. Pray for your husband’s physical health and safety. This is obvious, perhaps, if his job involves manual labour or if he has an illness, but even if your husband’s job involves no more physical activity than sitting behind a desk, physical health and safety are still areas in which you need to uphold him in daily prayer. Financial and job-related pressures often manifest themselves through physical problems.

4. Pray for your husband as a family leader. Today’s family often goes in 10 directions at once. Pray that he will have wisdom in building relationships with your children, in discipline and in modelling a godly life.

5. Pray for your husband’s relationship with you. We sometimes forget that our husbands don’t automatically realise what our needs are. Bolster sincere efforts at communication with prayer for your husband.

These ideas barely touch on the possibilities of prayer for our husbands. Hopefully they will serve as a springboard for further development!

Next to your relationship with God, your spouse is your most valuable treasure. Sincere, effective prayer time is an investment in helping him determine and achieve his spiritual, practical, financial and physical goals. The impacts of such an investment on your family and even in the kingdom of God is immeasurable.


by Cindy Thomas
Virtue. March/April 1989
Cindy Thomas from Harrison, Ark., is a freelance writer, piano teacher and mother of one. Cindy assists her husband in the operation of a part-time business.

NOTE:
As this is the only article I have read from Cindy Thomas please do not assume that her inclusion here is an endorsement of all her material, or that this statement reflects a non-approval of her writings.

Hospitality in a Busy World

Dear Sisters in Christ

Welcome to the March edition of Heart of the Home – a monthly e-mail with articles or snippets of books I’ve read, to encourage and challenge you as you endeavour to be women who love God, serve God, and strive to be Christ-like in the way your live your life. I pray you may find these articles as helpful as I have.

The March Edition is hot on the tails of the February Edition due to being away. I thought the following article would be a great follow-on from last month’s issue on whether hospitality is an Option or Command. This month’s article comes from more of a practical perspective and so I pray that you will be spurred on to put into practice the biblical principle to “share the needs of saints, practice hospitality” (Romans 12:13).

If at any time you would like to be removed from my mailing list, please reply to this e-mail with UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject line.

Yours for His service
Sereena Shailer

Hospitality in a Busy World

Growing up in a missionary home in Brazil, I considered hospitality a normal, everyday occurrence. People were always showing up at our house, even unexpectedly, for everything from a meal to a month or more of free room and board. We had a guest room; but when the guest room and the two sofas were full, my sister and I gave up our beds and slept on the floor.

Besides the biblical injunction to “practice hospitality”, Brazilian culture dictated that if someone knew you, belonged to the same denomination, had a letter of recommendation from his or her pastor, or was a relative of someone you knew, he would surely, when passing through town, be a guest for as long as necessary.

My mother had a way of dealing with those who overstayed their welcome without asking point-blank when they were planning to leave. After two or three days, she stopped preparing Brazilian food and served only American meals. Most of our guests sought refuge elsewhere once the rice and beans vanished.

As a child I became wary of sharing only if a child guest (or two or four) broke my toys. Otherwise, having every bed in the house filled (plus some mattresses on the floor) added to the excitement of daily living.

Later I learned a few tricks of my own to make life easier. My Brazilian pastor-husband and I had a refuge ministry in which hospitality was a fact of life. Sharing a meal was no big deal – a roast chicken for four quickly became chicken pie for ten; I could whip up a good meal in half an hour and was glad to do so if compliments and help with the dishes followed.

Showing hospitality and entertaining are not the same. Entertainment is spending time doing things with a view toward satisfying our own desires – creating conditions for fun and relaxation. Hospitality is offering hospice – shelter, food, protection, health and healing – and many times will be far from fun.

When we left a 20-year ministry and came to the States for further study, we learned what it means to be on the receiving end of hospitality. A minister and his wife, whom we had never met, opened their home to us until we could find a house. What we thought would be about two weeks became almost three months. Yet John and Nina Yenchko never made us feel unwanted. We were anxious to be independent, yet they continued to make us welcome.

I would like to continue practicing hospitality with a cheerful heart, but our situation is different from when we lived in Brazil. It seems like everyone who knew us there finds our home here a haven en route to and from our native land. I work full-time outside the home, try to create a nurturing home environment for my family, juggle a couple of courses, and try to be serious about writing. There isn’t much time to develop a gift of hospitality. Our house is spacious, but we don’t have enough chairs, dishes or blankets to make guests comfortable. Still, seldom a week goes by without them. Just how should I practice hospitality? What are some biblical guidelines?

Biblical Guidelines
In commanding us to “share the needs of saints, practice hospitality” (Romans 12:13), the Bible does not say “when convenient” or “when it won’t disrupt your regular plans.” Many a wife declares she can’t practice hospitality because of the expense or the taxing of strength. True, there are times when families need to be alone to develop and mend, but a home built on the Rock should be a beacon and shelter in a stormy world.

When I think of inconvenient guests, I remember Jesus’ need to withdraw after the murder of His cousin John the Baptist. Yet when He saw that the crowds had followed Him around the lake, He compassionately ministered to them, for they were like sheep with a shepherd (Mark 6:30-43). Sometimes an open home with be desperately called for when we ourselves are most exhausted, depressed and hungry!

The context for Paul’s practical instructions about hospitality and living with other people is his description of a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God. The “hospitality verse” in Romans 12 is sandwiched between “be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer” and “Bless those who persecute you” – a realistic injunction if you have helped others and been disappointed by their backbiting and ungratefulness.

Paul suggested that one of the conditions that make widows eligible for help and recognition is that they be known for their good deeds and hospitality. Likewise, the bishop or elder above reproach must be hospitable (1 Timothy 3:2; 5:10; Titus 1:8).

What is it like to open your house to strangers and discover you have entertained angels? On one occasion, when we were the strangers, I had a glimpse of being cared for by angels! We were sent to be hosted by a couple well into their eighties. I gingerly stepped as if on eggshells as we approached their doorstep. Our children were 14 months and four years old, my husband spoke little English, and we had been shifted from another place by our hosting church.

Misgivings melted when the white-haired angel opened her door and greeted us with a resonant “Welcome in the name of the Lord Jesus!” My heart skipped for joy as I learned that she had been a European immigrant welcomed into a Christian home and now glowed with the knowledge that she was serving us as unto the Lord. Tears still brim when I remember that rare and priceless reaction to our inconvenient stay. I learned a lesson in love.

I wish such lessons would permanently change our attitudes toward hospitality in difficult times. Though we have usually opened our home, I remember with shame letting it slip out that having some guests was a burdensome expense to us while they waited for their home to be made available and shopped for luxury items. Resentment often crept into my “doing good” – a far cry from Peter’s reminder to “offer hospitality to one another without grumbling” (1 Peter 4:9). I had not learned the grace of covering a multitude of sins with love (v. 8).

We are not to be doormats on which people wipe their feet, but footwashers! When Jesus took the towel and basin and began washing His disciples’ feet, He clearly stated what He expected and why. We can verbalise with our guests our willingness to serve, our commitment to the Lord’s priorities (which include family before strangers), and what we can or cannot do for them. Mealtimes, schedules, cleaning up and other aspects necessary for living in our household must be clearly explained. If the guest is unwilling to adapt to our home-style, his stay is shortened. I must be flexible, though, and don a loving, forgiving spirit for survival as a human being. Jesus declared that he who would not let Him wash his feet would have no part with Him.

Abigail was a wise woman who let love cover a multitude of sins. Her hard-working hospitality in a treacherous situation saved her neck and the lives of hundreds and had the triumphal ending of marriage to King David (1 Samuel 25).

When to Say No
Yet we will not be faithful stewards if we care for God’s family and neglect our own household (1 Timothy 5:4-5). There are times when we must say no or not now to requests for hospitality.

1. When it unduly strains the marriage. If we are married, our partner is a responsibility second only to our commitment to God.
2. When it hurts a family member. Children and spouses are often neglected or pained by thoughtless guests or a foolish host or hostess who forgets his/her first love.
3. When it becomes unaffordable or totally depletes family resources. Sacrificial giving and living must be delicately balanced with responsibility to our own time, physical resources and finances.
4. When a guest is using you. Paul’s gladly spending himself and being spent toward the soul of the Corinthian church was in the context of not becoming a burden (2 Corinthians 12:15).

How can we practice biblical hospitality in the 20th Century? With the solicitousness of Martha and the personal interest of Mary of Bethany. With the generosity of the woman who broke her alabaster box and the strength to serve that only God provides, so He alone will be praised (1 Peter 4:8). We may not be as cunning as Rahab (I doubt that you will be called upon to hide your guests under piles of flax), but we can glean wisdom from the Source for each special situation. Our homes can be warm, caring places that show God’s love to the stranger as well as to those we love. We will exercise and develop patience while practicing hospitality. Someday we will be permanent guests in God’s eternity. That will be quite a bustling, joyful home!

By Elizabeth Charles Gomes.
Confident Living 1990.

Elizabeth Charles Gomes has translated 35 books from English into Portuguese, published a book on the ministry of pastors’ wives, and worked alongside her minister husband as editor and translator for Refugio Publishing House in Brasilia, Brazil.

NOTE:
As this is the only article I have read from Elizabeth Charles Gomes please do not assume that her inclusion here is an endorsement of all her material, or that this statement reflects a non-approval of her writings.

Hospitality - Option or Command?

Dear Sisters in Christ

Welcome to the second posting of Heart of the Home – a monthly e-mail with articles or snippets of books I’ve read, to encourage and challenge you as you endeavour to be women who love God, serve God, and strive to be Christ-like in the way your live your life. I pray you may find these articles as helpful as I have.

Last week Nigel and I returned from two weeks in Los Angeles for Nigel to attend the Shepherds’ Conference at Grace Community Church. The Lord blessed us with a wonderful time again this year – sitting under the teaching His Word, reuniting with past seminary classmates and their wives, professors, our church family in Los Angeles, and spending time with the Kiwis who came with us from church@riverbend and Hastings Bible Church.

While in Los Angeles we had the privilege of receiving true hospitality from many people and in various ways. It was an encouragement to us and we truly thank the Lord for His working in our lives in this way and for the people He chose to use.

If at any time you would like to be removed from my mailing list, please reply to this e-mail with UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject line.

Yours for His service
Sereena Shailer

Hospitality – Option or Command?

Everyone seems so busy these days that showing hospitality is often pushed aside.

We had only recently moved from a quiet country town to a nearby city for a year of further studies. After the trauma of being uprooted and replanted I was eagerly anticipating many new experiences, adventures and friendships. I was not disappointed. Life in the city was exciting! There was always lots to see and do, and there was a special joy in renewing old friendships of former years. But somehow the new friendships just did not seem to be developing as I had hoped.

At first I only sensed the feeling, but then one day I actually heard the words articulated clearly, “But we really can’t afford to have people in . . . and it takes so much time to bake and clean and prepare for company . . .”

The words were spoken by my next-door neighbour, but they somehow seemed to be a sentiment common to so many caught up in the mainstream of life in a bustling metropolis. Times were hard. Life was busy. How could one possibly afford to invite others into their home? I was stunned, and my heart ached. It was not that I had never heard such sentiments uttered before, but usually they had come only as subtle suggestions whispered in careful confidence. Never had the words been spoken so plainly or hit with such sudden force. It was time to do some serious soul-searching. How did I really feel about this matter of hospitality? Was it simply an option to be taken or left – a pleasant pastime to be engaged in as time and money permitted?

Old-fashioned Hospitality
The answers seemed so obvious to me, for I had grown up in a humble home where the door often swung wide to welcome others in. They came as solitary souls or in happy family groups. Some came by special invitation, and others just dropped in unexpectedly. But whatever the case, they were always assured a warm welcome and a hot cup of tea. Sometimes there was popcorn by the fireside; other times, picnics by the seaside. But indoors or out, we shared what we had with joy and gladness. This was hospitality as I had always known it, and I loved it!

It is this same brand of old-fashioned hospitality that my husband and I have sought to practice in our own home for the past 16 years. I like to call it hosting with a happy heart, for it involves opening both our hearts and our home to others. As we have done this, the blessings have poured in and there have been countless rewards. I am not surprised however, for Jesus promised that there would be rewards when He said, "He who receives you receives Me, and he who receives Me receives Him who sent Me. He who receives a prophet in the name of a prophet shall receive a prophet's reward; and he who receives a righteous man in the name of a righteous man shall receive a righteous man's reward. And whoever in the name of a disciple gives to one of these little ones even a cup of cold water to drink, truly I say to you he shall not lose his reward" (Matthew 10:40-42).

Yes, experience had confirmed to my own heart that hospitality was indeed a rewarding undertaking, and the Bible had assured me as well. But what else did the Scriptures have to say about this topic. Was there more?

Hospitality Illustrated
Turning again to the Word of God, I was not disappointed. I discovered many passages giving vivid illustrations of true hospitality.

As I read through Genesis 18:1-8, I could so easily picture Abraham and Sarah scurrying about to prepare for their unexpected guests, strangers to their home. Laban was another who provided for his visitors with warmth and generosity, even going the second mile to make sure that their animals were comfortable too! (see 24:29-33). And who could forget the poor Shunammite woman who opened her home to Elisha the prophet (see 2 Kings 4:8-17), or Mary, Martha and Lazarus who provided a similar haven for Jesus? All of these were individuals who shared gladly with others, and they were blessed.

I continued my search and was soon digging with delight into a multitude of New Testament passages. In 1 Peter 4:9 I read, “Be hospitable one to another without complaint” (or murmuring or without secretly wishing you didn’t have to!). Then Titus 1:8 and 1 Timothy 3:2 both speak directly to church elders, admonishing them to be given to hospitality, and more than this, to be lovers of hospitality. In her book, What Is a Family? Edith Schaeffer made some interesting observations regarding these particular verses when she wrote: “It won’t be easy to be a lover of hospitality toward a variety of personalities, some of whom may come barging in without sensitivity and appreciation, but there needs to be a recognition that, before the Lord, we are meant to be striving for that kind of attitude. First Timothy 3:2 says that one of the things an elder needs to be (among other things) is ‘given to hospitality.’ Since he is also to be ‘husband of one wife,’ this is to be an open home, with the wife having a part in the hospitality!”

Searching on, I discovered tucked away in Romans 12:13 the simple little statement, “contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality.” There it was again! But this time it was part of the grand book of Romans and an integral part of the renewed mind and life of Romans 12.

In Hebrews I unearthed a real gem of a verse which reminds us, “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it” (13:2). Angels in my home? I doubted it; but the Bible said that to those who take in strangers, it is indeed a real possibility. That was exciting!

As Edith Schaeffer so beautifully points out in her book, Common Sense Christian Living, our Heavenly Father has made a practical way for us to not only minister to others, but to serve Him at the same time. This was wonderful!

Obligation and Privilege
So I had searched and found abundant evidence – enough to convince my own heart and mind – that hospitality was far more than an option. For the committed Christian it is a scriptural command, an obligation and a privilege. For me as a woman it is a special gift to be exercised in my home as a means of ministry to those in need. For any wife in ministry it is a God-given opportunity to support and encourage her husband in his work.

Yes, I was convinced, encouraged and blessed. I now better understood the source of the joy that I experienced in showing hospitality. It was not merely a matter of feeling rewarded for having loved and served – the sentiment expressed by Edward Gloeggler when he wrote: “Hearts that open to the love that is God, feel loved in loving and served in serving.” I knew what he meant.

But beyond this I now understood that the deepest source of my joy came from simple obedience to a command of scripture. This could bring me gladness even when the door closed behind my guests without a word of thanks ever being offered. It was at such times that I could rest assured that my Heavenly Father was looking on and smiling His approval, for it was He who said, “If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father's commandments, and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full” (John 15:10-11).

In this assurance my heart was glad. I was confident that what I had always felt was indeed true.

But what about my next-door neighbour? She was a Christian. Could I explain all this to her? What should I say? Or was there something I could do?

I soon decided that little I could say would change her mind. For I really did not know her that well. In fact, I had never even been in her home, though we had moved in next door several weeks before. During those weeks our children had become well acquainted, playing together with abandon in the common side yard that we shared. For them there had been no barriers to friendship. But with Karen it somehow seemed different. She was friendly but reserved. I longed to know her better, but I waited in vain for an invitation to her home for even a cup of coffee.

Thus it was that I decided that I must take the initiative. It was brilliant fall afternoon when I knocked timidly on her door and asked if she would care to accompany me and my one year old on a walk around the neighbourhood. She seemed surprised, but readily agreed. So we set off, revelling in the vibrant warmth of that autumn day. As we walked we talked, and she opened her heart to me like a flower to the sun. She freely shared with me some of her fears, frustrations and financial pressures, and I listened. Now how was I to respond?

The answer was not long in coming. I must open my heart and my home. Here was a family that needed to be surrounded with love and shown some real hospitality. So my husband was consulted and our two boys as well. Plans were laid, and the phone call was made. Could their boys come and spend the night at our house? And why not bring the rest of the family over for a visit too? Karen hesitated only briefly and accepted. I hung up the phone and started in popping corn and heating hot chocolate. It was a simple evening of sharing simple things. There had been no fuss, no big expense; but there was the blessing of new friendships begun as Scripture was obeyed.

We were only in the city for twelve brief months, but during that time our friendship blossomed into a thing of rare beauty. That fall day had marked the beginning of a special relationship in which we both shared many joys and sorrows and more than one cup of coffee.

By Lynn Keller Gamache. March 1986; Good News Broadcaster.

As this is the only article I have read from Lynn Keller Gamache please do not assume that her inclusion here is an endorsement of all her material, or that this statement reflects a non-approval of her writings.

The Love of Christ for the Church

Dear Sisters in Christ
Welcome to Heart of the Home – a monthly e-mail with articles or snippets of books I’ve read, to encourage and challenge you as you endeavour to be women who love God, serve God, and strive to be Christ-like in the way your live your life. I pray you may find these articles as helpful as I have.
If at any time you would like to be removed from my mailing list, please reply to this e-mail with UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject line.
Yours for His service
Sereena Shailer

The Love of Christ for the Church
Not only does marriage mirror the unity within the Trinity, it reflects the mystery of the oneness between Christ and each member of His church (Ephesians 5:31-32). The oneness we have with Christ is borne of love. When you responded in faith and entered a love relationship with Christ, you became one with Him. You are His bride. Think of it, Christ, the eternal Creator and Sustainer of the universe who lived in resplendent glory for all eternity with His Father and the Spirit in heaven becomes one with you. What a staggering thought! This love of Christ is the second model for the ministry marriage.

We love Him because He first loved us. This love is exclusive. Jesus alone is to be worshipped and adored as our heavenly Bridegroom. It is permanent and relentless. Nothing can separate us from His love – not the trials and cares of this life, not differences, not independent thinking or acting, not anything else that appears to be more loveable or attractive. This same devotion is to be our model in human marriage. It is to be broken only by death.

Imagine the joy that could be ours if our foremost goal in our marriage was to mirror the kind of love that Christ demonstrated for His church. Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us (Galatians 2:20). That is the goal that is placed before our husbands in Ephesians 5:25; as wives, we should likewise exhibit sacrificial love. The older women are “to admonish the younger women to love their husbands” (Titus 2:4).

Have you found that marriage magnifies your own selfishness and desire for going your own way? I have. We have to learn to love sacrificially like Christ. When we were first married I memorized 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 – a passage that gives God’s description of love’s attitudes and actions. I prayed that God would help me to exemplify those qualities in my love for the wonderful man He had given me. I have to keep returning to this passage over and over again. It convicts me and puts me on the right path. If I want to have a good dose of conviction, I will fill in my own name and see if it fits in the place of love. When I see it doesn’t then I need to ask God to produce that love in me.

Love is patient, love is kind. Do I go out of my way to do kind things for my husband? Do I use the same kid, patient tone of voice with him as I do with others on the phone?

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. Even when he gets all the praise and thanks, do I rejoice in his accomplishments, remembering that we are one?

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. Am I excused to be irritable and touchy at certain times of the month? Do I complain and want things the way I want them, when I want them? Do I rejoice in opportunities to sacrifice so that he can pursue his calling?

It is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Do I hold grudges? Do I take offense and wear my feelings on my sleeve? Do I have pity parties?

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Do I have evil in myself and work hard to kill sin? Do I pray for my husband’s sanctification and rejoice to see God work in His life?

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Am I loyal even when the church shrinks or the ministry fails? Do I believe the best about my husband or grow suspicious? Do I trust that the God who allows riches or poverty, sickness or health, peace or persecution is the One who will cause all things to work together for our good as we become more than conquerors through Him who loved us?

Love never fails. Does my husband know that I will stand by his side anywhere through anything until death parts us, or our Saviour returns?

With Christ-like love, marriage can be a foretaste of heaven on earth.

If you ever feel the temporary urge to give up on your marriage because your husband doesn’t love you like Christ loved the church, then remember that God’s love is out of His grace and not conditioned on our worthiness. He loved us while we were yet sinners (Romans 5:8). It is most important that you love him no matter what. Love is the fruit of the Spirit. His love never fails. Love is the most important thing in the world. Love is the only thing that will last forever. Everything else will pass away – faith to sight, hope to possession, but the love of Christ is stronger than death and will endure forever. It is the one thing that will never fail.

Having your ministry fail or any other severe trial can put a strain on your marriage. If that is the case, you should get help as a couple in that kind of situation. That help should include biblical counsel and support from godly friends who will encourage you, and support you, and hold you accountable. Your marriage is more important than your ministry. If that fails, all else crumbles with it.

This extract comes from “One with a Shepherd: The Tears and Triumphs of a Ministry Marriage” by Mary Somerville (Kress Christian Publications, 2005), pgs. 98-101.

Welcome!

This blog is going to be where I will store archived articles that I have sent out to my Christian family and friends. These articles are for the purpose of encouragement and challenge as you endeavour to be women who love God, serve God, and strive to be Christ-like in the way you live your life. I pray you may find these articles as helpful as I have.

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