Today’s husband often faces enormous pressure. He must cope with earning a living in a fluctuating economic climate; he must be a good marriage partner in a world where exactly what that means is hotly debated; he must attempt to help raise his children in an environment possibly much more complex than the one in which he grew up.
Your husband needs prayer! It is possible for him to be a stable husband and father in an unstable world. Proverbs 31 clearly states the impact a godly wife can have on a husband. One excellent way to have such an impact is to pray regularly for your husband; another is to pray with your husband.
What Are Some Things to Pray About?
“Dear God, please bless Jim and be with him at work today” seems vague and dutiful compared with sincere intercession in any or all these areas:
1. Pray for his spiritual growth. If your husband does not share your faith or is experiencing spiritual struggles, you’ll obviously want to be praying for him.
But husbands who appear to have a strong personal relationship with God need prayer for their spiritual life as well. Pray for your husband’s private prayer life to become deeper. If he’s involved at church, pray for his effectiveness in ministry.
Pray that his relationships with Christian men will provide accountability and opportunities for growth in his life. The more you pray, the more you will think of to pray about.
2. Offer meaningful prayer for your husband’s job situation. “Meaningful” is a key word here. The better informed you are, the more effectively and sincerely you can pray.
As much as you need to unload your own day’s headaches, be sure you also listen to his. (This doesn’t mean turning the whole evening into a gripe session, but just tuning in to why he feels the way he does at the end of his workday!) Ask questions about his job (within the bounds of confidentiality for certain professions). Read up on his field and ask him how what you’ve read pertains to him.
It is easy for me to pray knowledgeably for my husband because he is self-employed and I work for him part time. (He is a photographer; I read his appointment book and pray specifically for each job.) It may be harder to stay informed in other situations, but it does help to be interested.
Even if you don’t know details about your husband’s job, you can pray for his success at his projects, his ability to resist temptation, his witness to others and for the development of positive relationships with his supervisors or with those who work for him.
3. Pray for your husband’s physical health and safety. This is obvious, perhaps, if his job involves manual labour or if he has an illness, but even if your husband’s job involves no more physical activity than sitting behind a desk, physical health and safety are still areas in which you need to uphold him in daily prayer. Financial and job-related pressures often manifest themselves through physical problems.
4. Pray for your husband as a family leader. Today’s family often goes in 10 directions at once. Pray that he will have wisdom in building relationships with your children, in discipline and in modelling a godly life.
5. Pray for your husband’s relationship with you. We sometimes forget that our husbands don’t automatically realise what our needs are. Bolster sincere efforts at communication with prayer for your husband.
These ideas barely touch on the possibilities of prayer for our husbands. Hopefully they will serve as a springboard for further development!
Next to your relationship with God, your spouse is your most valuable treasure. Sincere, effective prayer time is an investment in helping him determine and achieve his spiritual, practical, financial and physical goals. The impacts of such an investment on your family and even in the kingdom of God is immeasurable.
by Cindy Thomas
Virtue. March/April 1989
Cindy Thomas from Harrison, Ark., is a freelance writer, piano teacher and mother of one. Cindy assists her husband in the operation of a part-time business.
NOTE:
As this is the only article I have read from Cindy Thomas please do not assume that her inclusion here is an endorsement of all her material, or that this statement reflects a non-approval of her writings.
Dear Sisters in Christ
Welcome to the March edition of Heart of the Home – a monthly e-mail with articles or snippets of books I’ve read, to encourage and challenge you as you endeavour to be women who love God, serve God, and strive to be Christ-like in the way your live your life. I pray you may find these articles as helpful as I have.
The March Edition is hot on the tails of the February Edition due to being away. I thought the following article would be a great follow-on from last month’s issue on whether hospitality is an Option or Command. This month’s article comes from more of a practical perspective and so I pray that you will be spurred on to put into practice the biblical principle to “share the needs of saints, practice hospitality” (Romans 12:13).
If at any time you would like to be removed from my mailing list, please reply to this e-mail with UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject line.
Yours for His service
Sereena Shailer
Hospitality in a Busy World
Growing up in a missionary home in Brazil, I considered hospitality a normal, everyday occurrence. People were always showing up at our house, even unexpectedly, for everything from a meal to a month or more of free room and board. We had a guest room; but when the guest room and the two sofas were full, my sister and I gave up our beds and slept on the floor.
Besides the biblical injunction to “practice hospitality”, Brazilian culture dictated that if someone knew you, belonged to the same denomination, had a letter of recommendation from his or her pastor, or was a relative of someone you knew, he would surely, when passing through town, be a guest for as long as necessary.
My mother had a way of dealing with those who overstayed their welcome without asking point-blank when they were planning to leave. After two or three days, she stopped preparing Brazilian food and served only American meals. Most of our guests sought refuge elsewhere once the rice and beans vanished.
As a child I became wary of sharing only if a child guest (or two or four) broke my toys. Otherwise, having every bed in the house filled (plus some mattresses on the floor) added to the excitement of daily living.
Later I learned a few tricks of my own to make life easier. My Brazilian pastor-husband and I had a refuge ministry in which hospitality was a fact of life. Sharing a meal was no big deal – a roast chicken for four quickly became chicken pie for ten; I could whip up a good meal in half an hour and was glad to do so if compliments and help with the dishes followed.
Showing hospitality and entertaining are not the same. Entertainment is spending time doing things with a view toward satisfying our own desires – creating conditions for fun and relaxation. Hospitality is offering hospice – shelter, food, protection, health and healing – and many times will be far from fun.
When we left a 20-year ministry and came to the States for further study, we learned what it means to be on the receiving end of hospitality. A minister and his wife, whom we had never met, opened their home to us until we could find a house. What we thought would be about two weeks became almost three months. Yet John and Nina Yenchko never made us feel unwanted. We were anxious to be independent, yet they continued to make us welcome.
I would like to continue practicing hospitality with a cheerful heart, but our situation is different from when we lived in Brazil. It seems like everyone who knew us there finds our home here a haven en route to and from our native land. I work full-time outside the home, try to create a nurturing home environment for my family, juggle a couple of courses, and try to be serious about writing. There isn’t much time to develop a gift of hospitality. Our house is spacious, but we don’t have enough chairs, dishes or blankets to make guests comfortable. Still, seldom a week goes by without them. Just how should I practice hospitality? What are some biblical guidelines?
Biblical Guidelines
In commanding us to “share the needs of saints, practice hospitality” (Romans 12:13), the Bible does not say “when convenient” or “when it won’t disrupt your regular plans.” Many a wife declares she can’t practice hospitality because of the expense or the taxing of strength. True, there are times when families need to be alone to develop and mend, but a home built on the Rock should be a beacon and shelter in a stormy world.
When I think of inconvenient guests, I remember Jesus’ need to withdraw after the murder of His cousin John the Baptist. Yet when He saw that the crowds had followed Him around the lake, He compassionately ministered to them, for they were like sheep with a shepherd (Mark 6:30-43). Sometimes an open home with be desperately called for when we ourselves are most exhausted, depressed and hungry!
The context for Paul’s practical instructions about hospitality and living with other people is his description of a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God. The “hospitality verse” in Romans 12 is sandwiched between “be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer” and “Bless those who persecute you” – a realistic injunction if you have helped others and been disappointed by their backbiting and ungratefulness.
Paul suggested that one of the conditions that make widows eligible for help and recognition is that they be known for their good deeds and hospitality. Likewise, the bishop or elder above reproach must be hospitable (1 Timothy 3:2; 5:10; Titus 1:8).
What is it like to open your house to strangers and discover you have entertained angels? On one occasion, when we were the strangers, I had a glimpse of being cared for by angels! We were sent to be hosted by a couple well into their eighties. I gingerly stepped as if on eggshells as we approached their doorstep. Our children were 14 months and four years old, my husband spoke little English, and we had been shifted from another place by our hosting church.
Misgivings melted when the white-haired angel opened her door and greeted us with a resonant “Welcome in the name of the Lord Jesus!” My heart skipped for joy as I learned that she had been a European immigrant welcomed into a Christian home and now glowed with the knowledge that she was serving us as unto the Lord. Tears still brim when I remember that rare and priceless reaction to our inconvenient stay. I learned a lesson in love.
I wish such lessons would permanently change our attitudes toward hospitality in difficult times. Though we have usually opened our home, I remember with shame letting it slip out that having some guests was a burdensome expense to us while they waited for their home to be made available and shopped for luxury items. Resentment often crept into my “doing good” – a far cry from Peter’s reminder to “offer hospitality to one another without grumbling” (1 Peter 4:9). I had not learned the grace of covering a multitude of sins with love (v. 8).
We are not to be doormats on which people wipe their feet, but footwashers! When Jesus took the towel and basin and began washing His disciples’ feet, He clearly stated what He expected and why. We can verbalise with our guests our willingness to serve, our commitment to the Lord’s priorities (which include family before strangers), and what we can or cannot do for them. Mealtimes, schedules, cleaning up and other aspects necessary for living in our household must be clearly explained. If the guest is unwilling to adapt to our home-style, his stay is shortened. I must be flexible, though, and don a loving, forgiving spirit for survival as a human being. Jesus declared that he who would not let Him wash his feet would have no part with Him.
Abigail was a wise woman who let love cover a multitude of sins. Her hard-working hospitality in a treacherous situation saved her neck and the lives of hundreds and had the triumphal ending of marriage to King David (1 Samuel 25).
When to Say No
Yet we will not be faithful stewards if we care for God’s family and neglect our own household (1 Timothy 5:4-5). There are times when we must say no or not now to requests for hospitality.
1. When it unduly strains the marriage. If we are married, our partner is a responsibility second only to our commitment to God.
2. When it hurts a family member. Children and spouses are often neglected or pained by thoughtless guests or a foolish host or hostess who forgets his/her first love.
3. When it becomes unaffordable or totally depletes family resources. Sacrificial giving and living must be delicately balanced with responsibility to our own time, physical resources and finances.
4. When a guest is using you. Paul’s gladly spending himself and being spent toward the soul of the Corinthian church was in the context of not becoming a burden (2 Corinthians 12:15).
How can we practice biblical hospitality in the 20th Century? With the solicitousness of Martha and the personal interest of Mary of Bethany. With the generosity of the woman who broke her alabaster box and the strength to serve that only God provides, so He alone will be praised (1 Peter 4:8). We may not be as cunning as Rahab (I doubt that you will be called upon to hide your guests under piles of flax), but we can glean wisdom from the Source for each special situation. Our homes can be warm, caring places that show God’s love to the stranger as well as to those we love. We will exercise and develop patience while practicing hospitality. Someday we will be permanent guests in God’s eternity. That will be quite a bustling, joyful home!
By Elizabeth Charles Gomes.
Confident Living 1990.
Elizabeth Charles Gomes has translated 35 books from English into Portuguese, published a book on the ministry of pastors’ wives, and worked alongside her minister husband as editor and translator for Refugio Publishing House in Brasilia, Brazil.
NOTE:
As this is the only article I have read from Elizabeth Charles Gomes please do not assume that her inclusion here is an endorsement of all her material, or that this statement reflects a non-approval of her writings.
